A Few Thoughts

I've had a few thoughts bumping around in my mind today; I hope that I can do some justice as I attempt to share them. I have come to believe that trials provide an opportunity for learning and growth. The challenge, for me, is to recognize this while the trial is still happening. One of the hardest trials I have faced (and continue to face) in my married life centers on employment. Many of you may know that I was laid off from my job in August. This is my third lay-off in less than eight years and this trial is particularly difficult because it stresses so many parts of my family and I's life. Each time this happens, however, I am afforded a great opportunity to do and learn something important.

In 2008, after only seven months at my first "real job" and just part-way through our first year of marriage, I was laid-off as grant funding was cut. This first lay-off wasn't as difficult as later ones, but it was challenging. Finding myself afforded some extra time, I spent the months after that job loss focusing on my spiritual health and growth. The experiences I had as a result have provided sweet memories and have continued to uplift and support me to this day.

Last fall, I was again laid-off from a job after funding to our grant was cut. This job loss was harder to recover from because it had taken much time and effort to secure the position and I had more people relying on me than previously. As challenging as this was, it allowed our family to seek out a new place where we have found many joys. The kids love their schools and enjoy more opportunities here than we had before us previously. We also enjoyed a little more financial security in my new position and were, finally, self-sufficient.

Losing the self-sufficiency we obtained with my most recent position was one of the hardest parts of this lay-off. There is a lot of fear present when you don't know how you're going to make ends meet and be able to support those dear family members who so heavily rely on you. It is easy to become depressed and I know that my self-esteem has most decidedly been affected--even though the job loss had nothing to do with me and only occurred as our program lost funding. I am realizing, though, that this period of unemployment has allowed me to really take stock of what is important and is pushing me to focus more on things that have previously been neglected--including my health. For this opportunity, I appreciate the time I have been given and hope that I am making the most of it. I believe that I am.

As a side note--I weighed myself this morning at the same place I previously weighed. I am at 301.7, down over six pounds. This is me smiling. :)