Conquering Hills

Lately, I've been conquering hills. Not just physically, but figuratively, as well. Granted, they are not very big hills, but I feel them nonetheless. Let's take today's walk, for example. I was already about 20 minutes in, about 1/3 of the way through (I've been doing about an hour of walking everyday) and was feeling every step. (This probably had something to do with the 1 1/2 hours of walking we had already done this morning with the kids at the museum.) I was tired. And sore. And not pushing myself very hard. I came to a point where I had a choice to make. I could turn right and take an easy, flat, mostly shaded street heading back towards home. Or, I could go straight and up a noticeable hill. It probably isn't much to most people, but it intimidated me. I knew it would hurt. I knew it would make the last half of my walk harder. What route would you choose?

The "old" me would have taken the easier route. The "new" me pushed myself through this challenge. I made it up the hill. Most significant is how I made it up the hill. I talked to myself. I encouraged myself. I cheered myself on. My little voice in my head told me to push forward, that I was strong and capable, that I could do this and it would feel great. I told myself that I could do hard things and that as I did them, they would get easier. I told myself that I was already getting stronger and healthier and that I could overcome the many hills and challenges I have been facing. I told myself that I was not a quitter and that I could achieve anything. Being able to say these things to myself, and really believe them, is a big deal.

You see, the self-talk I have been using for some time had not been very nice. I've gotten really good at tearing myself down. And equally as bad, I've gotten really good at excusing myself from good challenges and rewarding myself in poor ways. A couple of months ago, I probably would have been telling myself that there was no way I could get my fat butt up that hill. In fact, I would have been dwelling on my soreness, and tiredness, and excusing myself to sit down and rest and oh, here's a candy bar or two--you deserve them. Then I would have mentally berated myself for being so fat and lazy. It's amazing how much of a difference it makes when that mental shift occurs and one is now able to speak positively to oneself. I know I can feel the change, and it's amazing.

One of the things that has been helping with this shift is a book that Rick and I read and are using together. It's from Jon Gabriel and is called Visualization for Weight Loss. It will take time to determine if the visualizations will actually help with losing weight, but I have already been reaping the benefits of changing the way I think about my weight loss and, of course, myself. Part of what I took away from the book right away was the need to think encouragingly about what I am doing. I have found myself encouraging myself more and more as I am walking. I tell myself that I'm strong, that I'm getting healthier every day, that each step I take is getting me closer to where I want to be. I keep telling myself this, even though I can't always tell that I'm getting stronger or healthier or thinner. I believe it is happening, and picture it, and that helps keeping me going. I can feel myself becoming more positive and this is an important, big deal to me.

As far as the weight loss and getting thinner, etc., I know it will take time to really see and feel results. However, I did see an old co-worker this week who asked if I was exercising and seemed surprised when she saw me, which made me feel good. Oh, and Rick tells me he can tell that something is happening because I'm getting "squishier." I choose to take that as a compliment.